I was reminded of being a “First Time Mom” when I came across a letter I wrote back in 1990. The other day I was looking through my daughter’s baby box to find photos of her when she was a baby. She is now a mother and I wanted her to see how much her own daughter looks like her. While going through the box I found tiny little out fits I kept, her favorite blankets, photo albums, and her baby book. While going through all of this stuff I found a letter I had written about my experience becoming a mother.
I had completely forgotten that I wrote this letter. It was a pleasant surprise to find this 8 page letter written especially for my first baby. It reminded me of how excited I was for the future. The hope a new baby brings into the world. It’s a magical time when you become a first time mom. Here is the letter in it’s entirety.
A Letter From A First Time Mom
Ariel Sheree’, my baby daughter my first born. She is so amazing to me. From the moment I found out I was pregnant to everyday I see her change and grow now. To feel her inside of me growing and kicking. Hearing her heartbeat for the first time at the doctor’s office. Seeing her inside of me through the ultrasound made me so happy I started to cry.
The whole experience was the most exciting happy time to me. I couldn’t wait for her to be outside of me to be with her and to take care of her. The due date was August 6th, she didn’t arrive until August 16th.
The labor was the hardest and longest for me. Even though we had gone to child birth classes to prepare i don’t think it had really prepared me for the experience that was about to happen. August 7th came around no signs of labor in the slightest. So, Dr. Botus told me if she hadn’t come by August 14th they were going to induce labor.
When he had said it I was very disappointed and scared. But I agreed to make the appointment. All week and through the weekend we tried everything to start spontaneous labor. We did nightly walks, I scrubbed floors, we tried it all and still nothing. So, August 14th (Tuesday) came around and my bag was packed and we went to the hospital to the 2nd floor. My sister Jennifer and my husband Anthony came with me. We registered and waited for a room.
Finally about 9am on Tuesday we were taken to a room. The nurse and two ambulance trainees came to check on me. It was so funny when the two trainees touched my belly. They were so amazed to feel the baby inside of me. They were so amazed that I could not see them ever being able to help in any emergency delivery of a baby.
Then the doctor came and she explained how everything was going to be done. First they would put some kind of gel inside of me to to soften & open up the cervix and this would probably start contractions and hopefully I would go into labor.
Throughout the day I had been taken care of by many nurses and doctors. At 11pm they decided that it was too late for us to and do the potossum. Which is a drug they put into the i.v. to make me go into labor. So, they sent me to the 5th floor to get some dinner because I wasn’t allowed to eat all day and also to rest. We were to start all over the next day at 6am on Wednesday but the labor and delivery rooms were filled so I had to wait until 1pm in the afternoon.
At 1pm they started the potossum and just like the day before I went through doctor after doctor and nurse after nurse. By 6pm Wednesday the contractions had been coming pretty good but not close enough together.
By about 8pm I was in a lot of pain and needing a pain killer. I had only dialated to about 1/12 to 2 centimeters which means we had a long time before we’d be even close to delivery.
The way I felt through labor was that I was never going to make it and that I was never going to have the baby. I could hear ladies down the hall having their babies and I couldn’t understand why I wasn’t having my baby.
The pain during the contractions was just unbelievable it was the most excruciating pain I have ever felt.
Anthony my husband was just the greatest. he was there for me through thick and thin. He supported me through it all and I know before during and after if he hadn’t been there for me I couldn’t have done it. He was a solid rock of gilbralter.
I think the funniest point of it all was when he went to get coffee while they were giving me the epidural (which is a pain reliever in which they put in the spine) at 7:30am on Thursday. Next think I know I am telling the nurses about the pressure I felt in lower uterus. The nurse told me if I felt like I needed to push to go ahead because the baby’s head was crowning.
Anthony came back at 8am as they were taking me to the delivery room He asked the nurse what was going on and she told him it was time and told him to look at the crown of the baby’s head.
We went to the delivery room and I was moved on to the delivery table. Nurses all around setting up for delivery and the doctor came in. They told me to push and I did and as I did I watched in the mirror to see my baby coming into the world. It was the most amazing experience I had ever felt or seen. I started to push again and they told me to stop because I was tearing. So they gave me an episiotomy (which is when they cut you to make the hole bigger). They told me I could push again, I gave a great big push & her head came all the way out and I had to stop pushing again so they could squeegy out all the mucus out of her nose and mouth. Then I pushed again and had to stop because the umbilical cord was coming out before the rest of the body. The doctor fixed it, I pushed one more time and she was out in the world at 8:11am. They wrapped the baby up and put her on top of me and that’s when I found out she was a girl.
They took her to weigh & measure her and announced she was 7lbs 14oz. She wasn’t breathing right so they took her to the intensive care nursery. From the moment I held here I loved her and knew she was going to make my life even better than it was before.
Friday we went home together as a family me, Anthony, and Ariel. She is the most wonderful thing that has ever been and will be. That first day she lifted her head up. The second day she smiled at me.
The last six weeks she has grown and changed so much since that first day. She gurgles and coos and talks up a storm. She smiles a lot more. She rolled over once all ready. I think by Christmas she’ll be crawling and getting into everything.
The way I feel connected to her, the way I love her I feel like I am gushing with emotions and I know I’ll never stop feeling this way.
It hurts me to back to work and leave her with someone else. I feel the need to be with here all of the time but I know I can’t.
I want the best for her. I want to know her thoughts her dreams. I want to be there for her to see those hopes and dreams come true. I want to watch her grow from a baby to a child to a little girl to a woman. But I know from this day forward she will always be my baby and there is nothing that can replace that feeling inside of me that makes me so happy.
25 1/2 Years Later
Finding my letter as a “First Time Mom” was special. You are only a first time mom once and how amazing it was that I sat down and took the time to document my experience and feelings. I was a passionate young mother and I am still passionate about being a mother today. I miss being a young mother. It went by so fast. Now I am Grandmother. There is a new branch on the tree growing and learning.
To my adult daughter, I love you just as much as I did the day you were born and the day that I wrote this letter.